halfblacktina in a check one world

well, it's black history month and in the midst of debates about its importance and relevance, i came across some bloggers discussing the inclusion of afrolatinos, latinegros, or blacktinos in black history month. this reminded me that i am way overdue writing about my own racial identity. as i noted in the previous post, i don't really have a goal with this other than writing this out for myself or anyone who is curious. back in september i wrote about being half-white. when filling out forms that allow me to check more than one box, i will check the white box, but i don't really identify as a white person. i have tried but for a multitude of reasons, it is not a part of my identity.

so, now it's time to write about being half-blacktina.

a reason why i never had a problem embracing my latin side was because of my schooling. this is ironic since it's one of the main reasons i distanced myself from any sort of white identity. it was a combination of my forms already being bubbled in as hispanic/latino and being ridiculed by some  peers at a young age.

if you've read my blog, you know that my mother is a huge influence in my life. when i was little, people would call me "pamelita". some of my earliest memories are of all the time i spent running around the newsroom, listening to people get into arguments in spanish, rearranging the news articles on the board, and being told that fidel castro is an evil bastard. i was constantly surrounded by latinos and latin culture.  so it's only natural that i gravitated more towards my latin side. even with my inability to speak spanish, i never felt rejected by latinos. 

but my mom isn't just a latina, she's a blacktina. now, not all blacktinos consider themselves black. it really depends on their environment and family. the majority of my mom's brothers and sisters do not consider themselves black. despite having married the blackest man she could find, my grandmother constantly told my mom she was too dark. i don't blame my abuela, there is still underlying racism within the latino community.

however, pamela grew up with her panamanian grandmother and her jamaican grandfather in panama and brooklyn. she went through bed-sty to go to school and her childhood best friends were jamaican. her upbringing allowed her to identify as a blacktina woman rather than just latina. now, you may think, is there really a difference? not always, but since my mom was a journalist when i was younger, she worked for stations that were geared towards either latinos or blacks. she has no qualms with being considered a black woman and therefore neither do i.

while i appear more ethnically ambiguous than anything, i have always felt more comfortable discussing my afrolatina/blacktina roots.  this may have been confusing for some, it wasn't always so clear for me. but, after 22 years, i have figured out who i am in regards to being a multi-racial/multi-cultural female. i have a racial and ethnic identity i fully accept and embrace and i am finally able to check more than one box on official forms.


that's all for now. 

 

the inefficient detective, age 4. if you've never met her she looks EXACTLY the same.