santa will always be on my naughtly list

when browsing the mall with my aunt, we came across one of my sworn enemies. mall santa. she joked, "hey do you want to get your picture with santa?" i replied, hell no, i hate santa. loud enough for this creeper to hear. obnoxious and immature, i know, but then again i have my reasons.

for those of you who don't know, my brother is nine years younger than me. when he was born i had to go with him to take pictures with the easter bunny, write letters to santa, and stand in those dreaded lines to sit with him and pretend he was the real santa. when i was thirteen, my friend and i accompanied my brother to talk and pose with santa. this santa, was a darksided santa. HE PINCHED MY BUTT! that's right friends, i was sexually assaulted by fucking santa. in hindsight, i regret not reporting him to the police, or even the mall police, but i was honestly in such shock over it. he is supposed to be jolly and friendly but not that friendly. i told my mom the story but until this week, no one else.

when i see clowns, i get petrified, but when i see mall santas i am filled with rage. as in i want to legit go bonnquisha on their ass but i restrain myself because i know this could end up scarring other innocent children for life and also probably have a few years of probation. maybe sharing this story will help me to get rid of some of this pent up anger.

i still love christmas just not those tall, fat, white men, who lurk in the mall disguised as lovable old men.