so, everyone at the hospital knows my mom, unfortunately everyone is actually just middle aged women and not that hot doctor who wanted to give her a spinal tap. the surgery was a quick one. when i was called back to see her in recovery she was loopy. the first thing she asked me was "how is my face?", in regards to her new foundation color. she then said "i should have bought the purple pajamas," she has her priorities for sure. i have no clue what she was talking about. i drive her home, where three of my brother's friends are in the basement.
it's now midnight, they are all still here. my brother was able to convince my loopy mother to let him have a sleep over. i decided to make some home made eggnog, whiskey and all. i talked to my friend sammi about life, how she is spending her christmas eve, and the jersey shore. i am tipsy, so i wrote this ode to the princess of poughkipsie(i'm to lazy to google the correct spelling):
ODE TO SNOOKI
your orange skin and jet black hair,
you are the envy of girls everywhere.
with yo backflips and pussy poppin',
you keep the jersey shore arockin'.
whether you're italian or jewtina, it's all the same.
queen guidette for life, don't ever change.
for those who don't know there was an internet rumor that snooki is jewtina and therefore the imaginary lovechild of myself and my bff sammi, since it's currently impossible for us to have a love child. oh well, just another thing to add to my bucket list.
i'd like to end this post by saying RIP brittany murphy. you were in some of my favorite movies: clueless, drop dead gorgeous, freeway. you were taken too soon. that was way harsh 2009. i hope you are rollin' with the homies in heaven.
Your ode gave me chills. I am almost speechless.
ReplyDeleteI am proud to be your future wifey/co-mother of our love child (Snooki's clone Snickers), as soon as science catches up to our dreams. We have quite a dilemma on our hands, but as long as 'the situation' is on the show, perhaps we will be able to solve our problem.
p.s. please don't judge me for my Christmas Eve plans, I can't help it that Jew's use Jesus's birth as an excuse to make more Jewish babies!
-Sammi (not sweetheart)
i only judge bc you have no business meeting jewish men, you should be out in harlem or east LA or miami trying to find yourself a latino to procreate with just in case modern technology doesn't work in our favor.
ReplyDeleteotherwise i'm totes okay with your christmas eve celebrations, you are just celebrating the birth of the most famous jew apart from kimchi goldberg & snooks.
maybe we should trade christmas plans next year, like that movie the holiday. you'd get jude law, i'd get jack black. err...or something like that.
your ode is amazing!
ReplyDelete