paging veronica mars

the olympics last night were not as exciting as they had been night's before. therefore, i decided i should go to bed a bit earlier than usual. i laid in bed silently for what felt like hours. something was plaguing me. i couldn't figure it out. my bills were paid, my documents were saved, what was it? i turned my laptop back on, but nothing. then, like divine intervention, a name popped in my head.

Jonathan Taylor Thomas

 if you have recently seen/heard of this young man please contact bonnquisha.

what happened to JTT!?

long before zac efron and robert pattinson, there was jonathan taylor thomas aka JTT. he was the dreamy middle child on home improvement, tom sawyer, the voice of young simba. he was on the cover of teen beat and on the walls of young girl's and probably some boy's bedrooms across the country. (but not on mine, pamela wouldn't let me)

few people know about my torrid love affair with for JTT. circa 1995-1996, i was in love with JTT. it was beyond a crush, i cried when my friends mike and josh stole and drew devil horns and a mustache on a pocket size picture of the cast of home improvement that i used to carry with me. i cried when i heard the rumor that he was dating topanga. i even tried to convince my mom we should move to miami when my aunts teased me that he moved down there. it may have been one-sided, but it was totally love. however, it all ended when i discovered that he wasn't the singing voice of young simba in the lion king. i felt cheated, i felt betrayed.

so, fast forward to 2010 and there i was, thinking about what happened to my tween love. i began searching on google and imdb. all of a sudden, it's 1:30 am, i'm drinking a low budget hot toddy (hot lemonade & scotch), desperately trying to piece together where JTT is. sadly, after suspicious looking articles and posts dated 2007, i gave up. i determined this is a case for professionals, specifically veronica mars, which was one of his last imdb credits. 

i did stumble upon these rumors: 

-he  graduated from columbia with a ba in 2009

-he  lives in canada with his girlfriend

-he  is trying for a comeback

-he  is gay

the only thing that can be confirmed is that he is still under 5'6' and will always be the first love of my life. 

the inefficient detective wants to be a youtube star

ever since i was little, i knew my mom wasn't like the other moms. the other mothers looked...dumpy? frumpy? they looked like they had kids and just completely let go of themselves. on the other hand my mom always looked young and stylish, well she still looks young and stylish thanks to great dna (black don't crack yall) and forbidding her from shopping in stores like coldwater creek and talbots ( no offense if that's where you shop...) she's kinda the cool mom from mean girls, if the cool mom cared more about her kids going to ivy league schools than their social standing.

a few weeks ago i had a movie marathon with the inefficient detective while the men of the house were at a tournament in new jersey. we alternated between my choices and her choices. she picked depressing ass movies like the pursuit of happyness and a romcom, definately,maybe. i chose generation kill and death proof.  always a realistic and logical viewer, the inefficient detective had qualms with the ending of definately, maybe but also told me she didn't want me driving because the ghost of "stunt man mike" might chase me down in my suv. she did however love the song that played during the lapdance.



last nite i made mom a mixed cd with some lady gaga and the song mentioned above. as i was making some dinner, "that mexico song" came on. that's when this awkward interaction went down:

mother: that was the best scene in the movie. we should learn that dance.
me: huh?
mother: we should film it and put it on youtube.
me: whaaaaaaaaa?!
(mother starts to re-inact the dance beat for beat)
me: oh jesus take the wheel.  (yes, i actually said that)
mother: we could send it to amin.
me: ohmygahhhh
mother: you don't think he'd like it. who else could we send it to.
me: i am not doing that
mother: or a pole dance.
me: ohhh noooo.
mother: what? i'll be famous.

i was able to laugh this off as another one of the inefficient detective's diva moments or something like that. if she ends up doing this, i promise to post it. but what i forgot to mention was that my brother was also present for the whole thing. he didn't find it funny. his reaction was something like this:

thanks a lot tarantino. 

another one-liner

" i don't know what happened to all my jewish jewelry"

- the catholic inefficient detective

another tale of the inefficient detective

i really can't make these stories up. my mom really isn't a pretentious person, she doesn't care about famous people and doesn't know who half of them are. she retold this story on our way to the redskins game, still not caring about her inability to recognize people (or as we know symbols).

back in 2005, my mom was doing some work in the white house. she was in the roosevelt room trying to finish something for an upcoming trip when some man wanders in.
this is the basic gist of the conversation. 
mom (busy and not in the mood): exqueeze me but who are you?
tom: oh, i'm tom.
mom: nice to meet you tom, can i help you?
tom: ah i just have a headache so i wanted to sit down for a second.
mom: umm okay, well i'm working....what are you doing her today, tom?
tom: i'm here with my team. (apparently he was trying to hint to her who he was)
mom: oh that's nice. (still doesn't care or know what he's talking about)

tom sorta lingered around and then some girl comes in all giggly. he signs something. mom still doesn't know or care. eventually tom has to rejoin his team. after he left, my mother goes back to the office. when she walks by she notices "some statue with a football on top" (seriously mother!) she starts telling some coworkers about this bizarre occurrence and the crazy girl who was all giggly. one coworker goes, that was me. everyone else was like, ummm are you serious? they google a picture of him and ask her if that's the guy. she goes yes that's tom! everyone else goes "that's tom brady." mom is like, whatever he was bothering me.

stay tuned for the inefficient detective's second run-in with that tom guy. ( i need her to retell it again)

update on the inefficient detective

so i told my mom she could read my blog, i have nothing to hide.

she says...."noo i thought she was doing the hooking she was being a hooker for a little extra money....you make me sound dumb."
no mom, you are just a really inefficient detective.

mom the inefficient detective strikes again

the story you are about to read is 100% true. none of it has been fabricated.
the inefficient detective strikes again! 
my mother waited for my dad and my brother to leave before she asked me to go look at her coworkers facebook status. "she has lost her mind...i'm going to have to have a talk with her on monday," she said. i was thinking, oh my gawd, what has she gone and done. before i read the status my mom says, she went and saw a hooker! i'm thinking WTF!? then i read her status, it says:

"first hookah experience...mango."

me: momm, that's a hookah not a hooker!
mom: what's a hookah?
i decide its better to show her a picture of her sisters and cousins at one of our cousins birthday.
mom: i thought that was for opium!
me: it is like flavored tobacco. they have hookah bars, they are perfectly legal.
mom: well i didn't know, it's a good thing i asked you because i was going to have to give her another lecture.
me: and it says mango...what did you think it was a mango flavored prostitute?
mom: i thought she went to that club mangoes and got one. now you are going to tell all your friends how i didn't know what a hookah was.

yup, i couldn't resist!
till next time.

my mother...the international super spy

everyone who knows me has heard me talk about my mom before. we are really close. she is an intelligent, strong, hard-working latina. i'm like the greek version of her, or so they tell me. i have always felt really lucky to have a great mother figure, a mami who balanced work and family, she does charity work, and she's interviewed/worked with: reagan, bush 41, clinton, & W.  i have a mother who has traveled the world and cussed castro the eff out. my mom is awesome.

so, it was overwhelmingly suprising when she told me the ridiculous ass story i am about to lay out. this is the story of how my mother and her friend thought they had outsmarted homeland security and al queda.

my mom drives to work in dc everyday with her 60 year old friend. i'll call her friend K.  over a year ago, they saw this "bizarre" car decal. then slowly over time, they'd see the decal pop up more frequently. they would try to peak at who was driving these cars but couldn't get a good look. mom and K, who read way too many crime/spy/investigating novels, determined that these decals were markers of "one of them"...terrorists. they even told my little brother of this, that there a special sect of al queda was, signaling to each other via car decals with their "conspicuous symbol". i look at this symbol. then i look at my mother. and all i can think is what?!

first, the fact the idea of a terrorist group using a fairly "conspicuous" symbol to signal each other on their cars was ridiculous to me. second, the idea that only my mother and her friend were able to figure this theory out was ridiculous to me. you see, i knew EXACTLY what this symbol was. my mom then goes to tell me how K discovered what the symbol actually was on vacation. my mother seemed disappointed when she told me this part. i don't know if she was slightly embarrassed or sad that she wasn't some amazing detective. she still tries to convince me of her rational and that i will owe her an apology if they ever find out that terrorist organizations had been secretly using this symbol to communicate.

so what exactly is the symbol we were debating....