missed connection: mom's hot doctor

people say a change of scenery helps with writers' block. i didn't think it would be the waiting room of a doctors office. thankfully, i always have a notebook and pen in my purse (or should i say, snazy vintage leather backpack). by the time mom got called in to see the doctor it was time for me to go to my doctors appointment, a whole 1 building away. my doctor was this nice but dowdy woman who asked questions like, do you have a job? no. do your friends have jobs? not really. what do you want to do? write. she doesn't know what to say after that so she gives me that look that people with legit jobs give. judgmental much! i soon discovered that i can not get automatic refills of my meds, this whole time i thought it was just my doctor being weird and trying to just make me come more often then necessary. but noo apparently it's a controlled substance b/c people abuse it (effin slackers).

so i leave my doctor to find my mom in the waiting room. she says don't panic (of course i panic) but i need to go to an er for a catscan. i try to keep my cool by writing my script in my moleskin notebook (i'm so white). my mom doesn't have to wait long because she was going in for headaches. we get to her room and she immediately throws a fit over the dressing gown.

mom: i'm not wearing that, that's ugly.
me: mom, you have to.
mom: why can't they make nicer prettier ones?
me: because they spend money on medicine and stuff.
mom: i'm not wearing that, that's for sick people.
me: you are a patient in a hospital.
mom: you wouldn't want to wear this.

i then try to help her put on the gown, neither of us could figure out what was wrong with it. the nurse comes in awkwardly and helps. apparently a lot of the snaps were undone so there was only one sleeve, it was backwards, yadda yadda, we were inefficient. then mom was like i need a lipstick, so i hand her one. and she's like nooooo, not this color, give me another one. then, her doctor walks in. sighhhhhhhhh. he was a breath of fresh air in his green scrubs. he was tall and blonde and he had bulging biceps. ( i don't usually like blondes). as he examined my mom and what not, i just starred at his arms and tried to see if i could spot a wedding ring. my mom was like, pay attention, you may have to make decisions for me. he basically said he was going to do a cat scan with a possibility of a spinal tap. he leaves. and i tell my mom he was buff.

mom: did he have a ring?
me: nope.
mom: well, when you leave to get your brother, tell him you just graduated from an ivy league school and you can make decisions for me.
me: uhhh, wha...really? you have to say i can make decisions. that makes no sense.

anyways, i leave to get the bro, notice that all the other doctors are old hags. my mom really has bizarre guardian angel. i come back an hour later. mom had the cat scan. it was clean. the doctor was pushing for the spinal tap. my mom was all emotional and says let me think about it for a few minutes. my dad takes my brother who is passed out on the chair home.

mom: he's really pushing the spinal tap.
me: i think he wants you to stay longer (hint, hint)
mom: you are my daughter.

mom didn't get the spinal tap.rude. (j/k...) we went home about 10 minutes later. before my mom went to sleep she asks: are you going to google him? i replied no, he has an uber generic name, i won't even waste the .9 seconds typing it into google. i guess it just wasn't meant to be.