multi-racial/ multi-cultural= multi-confused

i think i've started writing this post about a dozen times. it's about my experiences with race and ethnicity. i've been fortunate enough to study and learn about being multi-cultural and/or multi-racial in america. i find comfort in knowing that the population of bi-racial/multi-racial people in america is growing. race and culture can heavily influence people's lives and it definitely influenced mine. i've decided to break this topic up. first, i will write about the why.

the reason i originally started writing this post was because of a form. a couple weeks ago i was trying to help my parents out by filling out some of my little brother's school forms, as much as i possible could. the forms really haven't changed since i was in middle school, health information, emergency contact info, etc. there was however an additional form. it asked two questions: first, whether or not you ( my brother) was of hispanic origin? second, what race are you (check all that apply). most people probably didn't think much of this, but to me, this was a surprise. it was the first time that we were asked both. for the 13 years i spent going to public school, our forms, standardized tests, etc  were always bubbled in, mine was always bubbled in hispanic/latino.  now, they were going beyond that. so i checked the form off: hispanic-yes, race- black & white. my brother was surprised by this, which i fully understand. you see, he never thought of himself as black & white, he has always viewed himself from a cultural aspect, panamanian and greek.

second, i was about to board a megabus to new york ( a topic in itself), i told the man my ticket was for two and that my mother was coming behind me, and i pointed to her ( her bag was heavy as hell). he replied, "oh the black woman?" i looked back and said, "yeah, that's her." it startled me a bit, because like my brother, i don't really look at her as a "black woman". i've always seen her as a latina woman who happens to be dark-skinned. the thing is my mother herself is bi-racial: her mother (my abuela) is five feet tall and "white" she's lighter than i am but not very fair, her father is over six feet tall and very dark. even in panama, my abuela was frowned upon and hit by her brothers for marrying a black man.


the point is, my brother and i are bi-racial. we have a black mother and a white father. however, being hispanic, race has come second to us. after all, it was the only box we had.  my brother and i have faced haters in terms of our race & ethnicity,  but even as a child, i was always a smidgen more aware of it. my brother went to a school filled with diversity. whereas i can count the number of non-white kids i graduated the 6th grade with on both hands.

i think what i'm going to end up doing is breaking this down into posts about whiteness & not being white, but who knows. i don't really have a goal for this other than to just write my thoughts down.